Keep Your Application Happy & Healthy with All-Natural Free-Range Virtual Users

When your application acts up, the finger pointing begins. Larry, you know what you did. Is it a case of poorly written code, unoptimized databases, a troublesome third-party service, or that water balloon fight Larry had in the server room? You slave away pinpointing the root cause of performance issues and sometimes find a fix. But it’s only a matter of time before your application falters again, and you’re left wondering what went wrong, especially now that Larry lost his water fountain privileges.

Let’s think about it. With each stress test, you’re feeding your application a not-so-healthy diet of synthetic virtual users. Herein lies the true cause of all your performance problems. After all, you are what you eat.

According to a recent report from the FDA, 96.2% of application performance issues are due to an overdose of artificial users, and well, we here at Neotys have decided to take a stand.

Gone are the days of force-feeding your application lab-created VUs!

Introducing Certified All-Natural, Free-Range Virtual Users from Neotys

To promote healthy, happy applications, Neotys is proud to introduce all-natural, free-range virtual users for load testing and performance monitoring.

Neotys President Thibaud Bussiere is the leading force behind the initiative, and he couldn’t be happier with this new offering: “Every time I go with my wife to the grocery store, she becomes overly excited with the selection of all-natural, free-range products. My goal is to bring that same excitement to the testing community. It really wasn’t a hard decision to make – we just let the VUs outside every once in a while. We have also halted our efforts to beautify the VUs with artificial coloring. We understand how much our customers like pretty colors, but sacrifices must be made.

You’re probably wondering if all-natural, free-range virtual users are for you. I mean, sure the artificial coloring is a huge loss. But just look at all the perks that come along with simply saying no to synthetic!

1. It’ll boost your hipster cred

Though all-natural, free-range users cost five times as much as synthetic users, making the switch is so worth it. Forrester is already predicting that all-natural, free-range users will be the biggest trend sweeping through the testing industry this year. The sooner you switch, the sooner you can rub it in people’s faces that you were using all-natural, free-range users before it was cool.

2. It’ll make you a god amongst your health-conscious buddies

How many times have you stopped by the office coffee machine only to be humiliated when you had nothing to contribute to your coworkers’ conversation about their all-organic, all-natural, cage-free, grass-fed, local, unprocessed, free-range diet? You’ve no doubt lost count.

After you integrate all-natural, free-range virtual users into your testing and monitoring, however, you’ll be the belle of the ball! They’ll be so impressed with your health-infused professional life, that they’ll probably crown you king of the health nuts. Not you, Larry. You’re not allowed to be king again after last year’s office Game of Thrones viewing party. Taping thumbtacks to the end of your Nerf crossbow darts is just not cool, man.

3. It’ll get PETAVU off your back

If you’re using synthetic users, you’ve most likely received some flak from PETAVU (People for the Ethical Treatment of Application Virtual Users). Maybe the organization has ranted about your company across its social media channels, or even worse attempted to free your virtual users from their non-existent cyber cages like that hacker girl in Jurassic Park.

Either way, it’d be nice to have them taken care of once and for all – and since mass murder is illegal, your only other option is to start using all-natural, free-range users. You should get on that.

4. It’ll improve the crap out of your application

Literally. One of the most iconic children’s books of all time taught us that everybody poops, even your application. Synthetic users will block up your app and eventually lead to life-threatening conditions probably. Loading up your application with healthy, all-natural, free-range users, on the other hand, will leave you with a much more pleasant end product.

Promote a Healthier, Happier Application Today!

As the testing community shifts its focus to application health, synthetic virtual users will become a thing of the past. In the famous words of Sarah Connor, “Do you want Skynet? Because that’s how you get SkyNet!”

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